


Lost Memories

by yuusha_tori



Category: Brave Police J-Decker
Genre: Gen, baby's first upload to ao3, sad times abound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 20:56:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21416551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuusha_tori/pseuds/yuusha_tori
Summary: AU where Deckerd never recovers his memories after the Chieftain arc.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Lost Memories

Deckerd wasn’t sure how much longer the charade could last. Although he’d become quite good at reenacting his supposed mannerisms, they still felt foreign to him; he didn’t want to complete his reports every day, but his old self would diligently finish them before noon. Recharging in his maintenance berth would net him better energy reserves, but his old self would recharge at the Tomonaga residence. He felt trapped into forcing himself to be someone he no longer was; the pain could be seen ever so slightly in the dimmed burn of his optics and the creases on his faceplate. The majority of the team was oblivious to these nuances, however. The less perceptive of the group - Drill Boy, Power Joe, and Dumpson - were too busy with their own day-to-day routines to take notice. McCrane, Gunmax, and Duke were more reluctant to say anything. Shadowmaru was the only one that he knew could see through his deception.  


The mech still made the effort regardless because there was something visceral inside him that cried out for him to simply _try_. Deckerd assumed it was the remnants of his old self’s love for his young human friend, still fighting to reawaken like a phoenix.

...He hated that most of all. 

It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t feel anything for Yuuta. After a few days of rest from the marathon that was the battle with the Chieftains, he began to warm up to the young boy, if only slightly. Deckerd had to admit that he enjoyed the child’s infectious smile and laughter, but it was the same as watching any other child. There was no more history in his Super AI memory of the days when he’d first befriended Yuuta. All these new moments had no meaning, and they were soon wearing out their welcome; all they brought were secluded frustration and pain. It was obvious that he’d have to conceal the truth from him - the ordeal everyone had just gone through was more than enough emotional trauma. 

And thus, he would go on carrying the mantle of someone he never was and never would be again, all for the sake of one young boy.

Everything had been proceeding well in the months following. He would go on patrol, take Yuuta to school, work on reports, chat with the others... But it was a case of merely going through the motions. He did the bare minimum to make everyone happy and would then run off somewhere to recover mentally for a while. For some reason, he gravitated to the abandoned warehouse near Yuuta's house. It was quiet and empty and the only place he could be himself. He usually spent time thinking and gazing at the large crack in the concrete floor he'd made when Yuuta was trying to get him to remember his old self. He often wondered about what had happened here with his old self. What could be so special about this dingy, cold room? At the very least, it was the one place where he was finally alone and at peace.

Deckerd did not expect to find Yuuta hiding in the corner of the room one day with his eyes red and puffy from tears. Somehow, before the mech even opened his lips to ask Yuuta what he was doing here, he knew why the boy had come.

"I knew I'd find you here when everyone told me you'd been gone too long." He sniffled and took a good look at Deckerd's face. "You've been acting weird since… that day, too."

He could do nothing but take the brunt of the young boy's disappointment. "Y-Yuuta, I…"

"Please... Tell me the truth: are you really the Deckerd we all knew?"

The look of pure shame and frustration on the mech's faceplate spoke volumes.

"I knew it!" Yuuta wailed in anguish, running up and punching the mech's shins. "You lied to us! You lied to me! You're not the real Deckerd, because the real Deckerd wouldn't lie like this!"

That was the final straw for him. This wasn't fair, and he was just so _tired_. In one swift movement, the mech picked Yuuta up by the scruff of his coat; he was careful not to hurt the child, but he wanted his message to be clear. His optics burned white with rage; despite this, his voice was quiet and firm. "You're right, I'm not him. I will _never_ be him. Nevertheless, my name is still Deckerd and _I am myself_." 

He put the trembling boy down and began to storm his way out of the room. Before he was completely out of view, he turned and glanced at Yuuta's stunned form. "Please understand, it's not you I'm upset with. I just wish fate would have been kinder with me."

*****

It had been a few days since he’d seen Yuuta, or anyone for that matter. Calls kept coming in from his teammates, Yuuta, the Commissioner… but no one could find him. He’d turned off his GPS and comm link and hidden himself away in a warehouse at the far end of town. Every so often, he’d peek out the doors to the sea nearby; it whispered for him to just dive in and never return. 

Maybe it would be for the best. Deckerd didn’t know who he was anymore. He sounded so sure of himself when he spoke with Yuuta that last time, but in the days following, his mind began to fester with feelings of disgust and self-loathing. There was no way he could perform his duty in this state, and a robot that couldn’t do what it was made for was worthless. He couldn’t even hope to rekindle the friendships he’d made, not after what he’d done to everyone. 

“Do you really think you can’t, _Dekkado no dan’na_?”

At first, the mech thought he was hallucinating until Shadowmaru crept forth from the dark end of the warehouse in his canine mode. “Why are you here? All I want is to be left alone,” he strained weakly.

Shadowmaru walked slowly towards the ailing mech. The ninja’s orange-amber optics glowed warmly in the still darkness; somehow, Deckerd was calmed by them. They lulled the blue mech into a calm that he hadn’t been able to feel for what felt like forever. With full attention on him, the canine-bot began to explain the story of his brother Kagerou, who had fled from those who could help him because he feared he would never be the same. Terrible things were done to him, but even when Shinjo had tried to sever the bond between them, Kagerou still saved his brother. 

“I am glad I was there with him until the very end, despite the deep sorrow I felt, because I would never be able to live with myself if I had let him go alone.” 

Deckerd remained quiet, processors whirring away as deep emotion flooded to the surface. 

“I know the pain you feel is insufferable - and, to be frank, it’s downright terrifying - but you are going to need to try, for both your and Chibi-boss’s sake. You and Yuuta are family, and whether you understand it or not, you need each other.” Shadowmaru plucked a rolled up piece of paper from a compartment in his leg and gently held it in his jaws. “This isn’t what anyone wanted, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to smile and laugh just like you did before.” 

The blue mech took the paper from him and uncurled it to reveal a slightly crumpled drawing of himself with Yuuta on his shoulder. Both he and Yuuta were shown smiling and happy. Deckerd’s emotions overcame him, and he spent a good while simply shuddering in place.

Satisfied that he had gotten through to the Brave Detective, Shadowmaru nudged the warehouse door open, allowing the soft rays of sunrise to enter the building. “Remember _Dekkado_, no matter how much tears you apart, no one can ever take away the thing you both share. The thing Yuuta gave to all of us: a heart.” 

Deckerd was left with only the sound of the ocean next to him and the faraway sound of a jet engine, beckoning him to come home.

*****

Rekindling the strong bond of trust he once had with everyone took several months of profuse apologizing, hard work, and the creation of a few new memories along the way. None more so had this been true than with Yuuta. From the moment he returned to the Decker Room to find everyone consoling the child, he set his course to make sure the boy would never again face such needless anguish under his watch.

Deckerd could see how his old self had befriended him; Yuuta was a lovable child who always had something interesting to say about the world around him. Seeing him happy was the best feeling in the entire world. However, there was one thing that still loomed over the healing of this scar. 

One night, the mech called Yuuta out to the driveway. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, now that things have quieted down.” 

“Of course! What’s wrong, Deckerd?”

A surprised Yuuta watched as he carefully uncurled a small piece of paper with his massive digits. Both were silent for a few moments, and he could sense that Yuuta was trying not to cry. “Would you be willing to draw a new picture of us? I know seeing this is a painful reminder of before, but we can both move on now, right?” The mech fidgeted as Yuuta stood frozen in thought. “Your choice, of course.”

The young boy gingerly took the drawing from his hands, nodded and smiled. 

When he’d arrived from patrol the next day, he found the boy sitting expectantly in the driveway, holding a rolled up piece of paper. He was smiling from ear to ear.

“Already finished that drawing, huh?” Deckerd hummed as he kneeled down to be closer to Yuuta’s level. He had to admit, he was excited to see the finished product. Carefully plucking the proffered roll from his friend’s hands, he uncurled it…

It was the exact same drawing as yesterday. Scans showed that there were no nuances in the paint strokes to be a newly-made copy, either. “I-I don’t understand, Yuuta,” he stammered. “This was us before…”

Yuuta only smiled brighter and put his smaller hand on the mech’s index finger. “No, Deckerd! This is us now!”

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to my irl friend Shockwaifu for giving me the idea for this sucker punch to the feels.


End file.
